To build an identity
by Tari Faelivrin
Summary: Tarí is Arwen's little sister, who has always lived under her shadow...what happens when she decides to get a life of her own? Chapter 4 is up!
1. Escaping

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own LOTR or any of it's characters. I don't own Arwen, Aragorn, Legolas, etc. They are work of the good JRR Tolkien. I do in fact own Orlando Bloom and Dominic Monaghan, I keep them in my closet and I let them go out for shooting a movie or stuff like that, but most of the time they are in my bedroom and... please don't ruin my fantasy! Now seriously, I own Tar

**Warning:** This is a Mary Sue and a Legomance (or at least it may become one) If you don't like these kind of stories please just leave. I'm not a Tolkien purist, I read only the first book (I'm trying to get the other two), and I did it _after _I saw the movies, so don't sue me. Also, I'm Peruvian and I live in Lima, English is my second language (well, third) so there might be some grammar mistakes. Don't sue me for that either. But feel free to point where I make one and let me know so it doesn't happen again. Reviews are welcomed but if you are just gonna say "your story sucks" I will just ignore it.

Tarí is Arwen's little sister, I made her up, she is in a way a lot like me, but I'll try not to let that interfere with the story. But I just can't help putting a little bit of me every time I write something.

**----------- O ----------**

"Tarí!" Arwen yelled- "Come here right now! Come here, you ugly dwarf!"

"I'm coming!" Tarí answered, jumping from Glorfindel's arms "An don't call me a dwarf! I 'm not one!"

"Then why do you look like one?" Arwen said, laughing "Now, you are gonna tell me what you did with my hair clips!"

"That one wasn't my doing!"

"_That one?_ So I'm guessing the little rat in your bed WAS your doing?

"It's not a rat, it's a hamster! You are the rat! I can't believe you told Ada to forbid Glorfindel from teaching me History of the Middle Earth"

"Oh really? History of the middle earth? It seemed to me that he was teaching you something else"

"What?"

"What? You don't remember what happened yesterday afternoon?"

"What do you know about yesterday afternoon, if you were locked in the broom closet with Estel?"

"That's it! Enough! Don't you dare to come between me and Estel! Just because you are head-over-heels about him..."

"Oh please! That was ten years ago!"

"And I don't know what your dear Glorfie sees in you anyway, considering..."

"Considering what?" Asked Elrohir, Tar's defensor, who had listened to all the conversation "I'm so sick of you insulting her. Every single day you are there, with some demeaning and nasty comment about her looks and personality"

"I don't do that!" Arwen replied, looking offended.

"Yes you do. And by the way, here you have your stupid hair clips."

"Thanks! Oh...but they smell like..."

"Manure. You're welcome. Let's go, Tar

Tarí left with Elrohir, not sure if she should laugh or cry at the humiliating yet funny scene.

**------------------O----------------**

Soon after that, they bumped into Elladan.

"Hey!" he said "I've got a great idea for a prank! I was thinking maybe we could get Glorfindel's books and...oh, I'm sorry Tar

"It's all right. I'm actually getting tired of everyone refraining from mentioning Glorfindel in front of me. There's nothing going on between us! Anyway, what are we planning?"

Elladan grinned. "Ok then. Here's what we are gonna do"

**------------------O----------------**

Halbarad the ranger entered Rivendel looking worried. He immediately asked to see Estel. This on dropped everything to talk to him, for Tarí told him that she sensed it was important.

"Aragorn, I need to speak to you" said Halbarad.

"Halbarad, my old friend. I see shadows in your face. Tell me, what's wrong?"

Halbarad whispered something in his ear. Tarí, who was listening from the corner, only managed to hear a few words: orcs, slaughter, Bree

Immediately, Estel's face became as grim as Halbarad's

**------------------O----------------**

Estel went upstairs to pack. He always packed only the most necessary things: a few changing clothes (very few indeed), some healing herbs, a few apples and some lembas for the road, and of course his sword.

He heard a knock on the door. He opened it. It was Tarí.

"Need any help packing? I've finished packing mine already"

"So, I guess Halbarad talked you into going. I knew they need many strong arms, but I didn't realize..."

"they were that desperate?"

Tarí and Estel had been best friends for years. True, she used to have a crush on him, but that was well in the past. They confided in each other. The teased each other. At least twice a day they would pretend to fight, sometimes even with swords. They had a real fight only once, but they promised each other that they wouldn't let that happen again.

"It's not like that" he replied "The thing is, what does Ada have to say about this? Is he gonna let you go?

"I haven't asked him yet. I mean, what the hey, I'm 2721 years old. I'm old enough to take care of myself"

"Still, try to talk to Ada. If you go without his permission, he may blame me"

"Ok, I'll try to talk to him"

**------------------O----------------**

"I can't believe Ada didn't let me go!" told a nervous Tarí, pacing around her room, to her brother Elrohir.

"It's all right. We can try and convince him"

"No way, he's one of the most stubborn people I've ever met"

"So, I heard Ada didn't let you go" said Estel, entering the room.

"Don't worry about that. I'll convince him. I'll try again tomorrow"

"But we can wait no longer. The uruk-hai will arrive soon to Bree and..."

"I know, I know. Look, you go now, I'm a fast rider, if I leave up until three days later I will still be able to catch up with you.

"All right then. I guess this is goodbye"

"I guess so" she kissed him on the cheek "In case I don't go, I wish you good luck"

Estel looked at Elrohir. He was going for the handshake, but suddenly Elrohir hugged him.

"Just in case she goes, promise me you'll take care of her"

"I will," he answered "Well, I have to go say goodbye to Arwen"

"Just make sure you wash yourself after that!2 Tarí said, laughing

"Oh, just drop the fight already"

He left.

"Elrohir stared for a while at Tarí, looking amused. Finally, he said:

"So, how are you going to convince Ada to let you go with the Rangers?"

"I won't. I've got it all planned"

Elrohir just grinned.

**------------------O----------------**

It was late at night. Tarí sneaked out of her room quietly. As an elf, she was able to walk without making any noise. She had packed some clothes (more than Estel), some food, a soap, her bow an arrows and her swords. She was able use one sword in each hand and move them really quickly.

She was at the stables. She had the complicity of the doorman. But there was someone there she didn't count on.

Glorfindel.

He stood there, next to her horse, smiling.

"Where do you think you're going"

"That's non of your business"

"Of course it is. I'm your tutor, your safety IS my business"

"You think you are wise. But you know nothing about me. You've been a great fiend and all, but..."

"I think I'm calling the Lord Elrond."

"Oh, dear Glorfie. I'm so, so, sorry about what I'm about to do"

She grabbed her heavy bag pack, lifted it, and without giving him a chance to react, smashed it against his head.

"That should do. He'll be awake by morning" she said to herself. She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote;

Dear Glorfindel: I'm truly sorry for what I did to your head. Don't worry, I calculated my move so you shouldn't be experiencing any memory loss or such. Tell Ada that I love him, that I'll see him soon and that this should teach him what happens when you don't allow me to be myself. If you thought that I would sit around and do nothing, then you know me less that I thought. I hope you have fun while I'm gone. I'll miss you, but don't you bother on missing me too much. I'll be back, and in one piece, I promise. 

_Love,_

_Tar_


	2. Reactions and battles

_**Chapter 2**_

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing, except for Tarí and a belly piercing. I'm not making a cent out of this.

To my reviewers:

_DarkAngelPearl:_ You'll find out this chapter. Here's my update

_Eeek: _I'm serious, I had no idea there were other fics with the same plot as mine. Maybe it's because I'm very new here (I signed in less than a week ago) and I haven't got the time to see enough fanfics. I'll try to get more descriptions and stuff, starting next chapter (I would do it from this one, but it was already done by the time I got your review and I've just restarted school and am short of time for everything)

_Joan Milligan:_ If I want to post my "exploits of adolescent drama queen" here, that's none of your business. If you don't like this kind of fic, then why do you even bother on reading it?

She was riding fast through the woods, enjoying her recently acquired freedom.

As soon as she passed the Ford, she left the road trying to hide her trail (Aragorn had taught her how to), and as soon as she was sure she was far away from Rivendel, she stopped and tried to connect her mind to Estel's, just like her grandmother Galadriel had taught her to.

Estel was camping with the other Rangers, patrolling, when he heard Tarí's voice in his head.

"I've just left Rivendel. Where are you?"

"I'm at one of the sides of the road, two miles before Amon Sul"

"I'm on my way"

Tarí quickly got on her horse again and rode even faster. By dawn, she had reached them.

**X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X

That morning, they got up early. At first, they didn't miss Tarí very much, because she liked to either sleep until late or wake up at dawn and practice fending until 10 am or later. So nobody thought it was strange that she didn't join them for breakfast. Much more notorious was Glorfindel's disappearance, for he was always on time, specially for meals.

He woke that morning in the stables feeling as if he had really strong hangover.

"Oh, Valar!" he thought "I can't believe she actually did it!" he read the note "Well, at least she says she'll miss me. What am I saying! She's out there in danger, and I'm standing here worrying whether she'll miss me or not. For the Valar's sake, she's not even 2800, she has no business with the Rangers! I will kill Estel for putting these ideas in her head! That, if he actually knows about her running away..." he went on his rambling thoughts for a while, unable to move. Finally he reacted and stormed into the Dining Room, where Elrond and his family were having breakfast. He came in, his hair messy, his clothes from last night, and with a big bruise in his head. Everyone stared at him.

"Tarí escaped last night. She left a note. She's going orc-hunting with the Rangers"

Everyone was shocked. Arwen dropped her cup. Elladan almost choked. Elrohir was trying really hard not to laugh. Elrond just stared at him, looking mad yet worried.

Glorfindel was about to go running down to the stables again to get his horse, but a hand stopped him. It was Elrond, who dragged him into his office.

"So, what do we do now?" he said

"I don't know, we look for her I guess" Glorfindel answered.

"And where do you suggest we begin?"

"I'm not sure, I guess we should check the road or..."

"They're Rangers, they won't use the Road. They know the woods. So, before you go and do anything...impulsive. I suggest we sit here and try to create a plan"

"I think we are forgetting something here" Elrohir as usual, was listening waiting for the right moment to intervene "she also has the gift of foresight. If she had sensed something bad was going to happen, she wouldn't have gone"

"I'm not very confident in her abilities as a seer. She's still very young and hasn't had time to develop them yet"

"But even Mithrandir said she was a great seer, even at her age. He said we should learn to trust her instincts"

"All right, you win. I'll give her three weeks. After that, we're going for her."

**X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X **X

Halbarad was worried that morning. They had lost track of the orcs. Tarí climbed up a hill, and saw the going south east, to the Misty Mountains. The group followed the orcs for a week, up until a few miles north form the High Pass. The orcs were going into the mountains, through a small path in between them.

Halbarad knew that pat had a really small exit and thought they could fence them in and kill them. But Tarí's intuition knew better.

"It's a set up" she said "We're being ambushed. We should go south, to the High Pass, and attack them from the other side"

"It would take too long. They won't sit there waiting for us. They'll leave"

"No they won't They WILL wait for us, that's why it's an ambush. They're expecting us, so they can kill us!"

Aragorn, who had been listening quietly, spoke:

"She has a point. But if we are going to do this, we must be quick and silent. Let's go!"

They walked at a quick pace (not all of them had horses), without speaking much, or making any sound when walking. Finally, three days later, they were there. At one end of the pass, they could see the orcs, turned around, waiting for them to arrive. Silently, one of them reached an orc and slit his throat, without giving it a chance to make a noise. The others did the same, but, as they were falling down, the orcs made noise, alerting the rest. They turned around and attacked them. The open battle had started.

Even after killing about half the orcs, the Rangers were outnumbered. But they were all very skilled, including Tarí, even if it was her first time in real battle.

After the battle, Aragorn just kept staring at Tarí.

"Estel!" she said, noticing "got a problem with me?"

"No, it's just...I think I had underestimated your battle skills, but I'm afraid you may start to overestimate them"

"Would that be too bad?"

"Yes! I don't wasn't you to jump into dangerous situations that you won't be able to escape from. Elrohir told me to take care of you, and I will"

"Whatever. And since when do I tend to overestimate myself anyway? You are the one who always says that I don't have enough self esteem. You can thank your dear girlfriend for that"

"It's not my fault that you take her jokes seriously" he said, looking irritated "I'm sure she means no harm"

"Oh please! You know she believes everything she says. And I'm starting to believe that, after all, she may be right"

She was starting to get teary eyed. She got like that every time she thought about it.

"Please, Tarí" Estel said, realizing what he had done "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go there. Please don't get like that"  
"Like WHAT?! How am I supposed to get?"

"I don't know, but..."

"That's right, YOU DON'T KNOW!" everyone was listening now "You know nothing of how it's been for me. You didn't have to stand over 2000 years of humiliation! Don't you understand? That's why I ran away!"

"You what? You did what?"

"Nothing. I did nothing"

"You didn't ask for Ada's permission, did you? You ran away! Oh, Valar, are we in trouble! How could you? I told you to get his permission! Now they will blame it on me! You are going back, right now!

But Tarí wasn't listening. She had her eyes closed, her face without expression, her body motionless. She was getting a premonition, and Estel knew it.

After a few minutes she finally snapped out of it. Everyone started to question her. Her mind was spinning, trying to organize her thoughts and answer all the questions.

"I saw a battle, on the High Pass. There are orcs crossing it, and...something else ...a Nazgul"

"We have to find another way of going back, then" Halbarad said "and we can't use this one, for we don't know what's going on in the other side. There might be more orcs hiding, waiting for us"

Aragorn looked worried. He felt guilty for yelling at Tarí. On the other hand, he knew he had to take her somewhere safe.

"I know it now" he said "You can't stay with us. And I can't figure how to take you to Rivendel. So I'll send you to some friends who can take care of you, where Ada cam send someone to pick you up"

"But Estel," she replied "I can't go back! Ada will kill me! He must be really mad at me!"

"That, you should have thought about before escaping. Don't worry, he'll forgive you"

"Where are you going to take me in the first place? Because I'm not planning to just sit around mending socks all day or something like that"

"Don't worry. You'll like it. Guys, we are going to Mirkwood"


	3. Trouble

Thanks to all of you for your reviews! Here's my responses to them. So Sorry it took so long for me to update, and that this chapter is so short, but I've been busy with school and stuff. It took me a pretty serious illness to find enough time to keep writing...

_Burzrog Gurthiel:_ Did I just spelled that right? Anyways, I haven't really thought of those details yet. I guess we are about 5 years before the books.

_Insane-elf-girl13_: Yay! I live for Sues too! I've been following your story for quite a while now, and I can't wait to see how it ends. This will follow the movie/book plotline, but later in the story.

_I.H.N.:_ Man, that was a nice long review. That's really what I meant with constructive criticism. I'm usually pretty sucky at writing reviews, so I'm sorry if it looks like I'm just kissing your ass. I'm not.

Yes, my character is a Sue. I'm not going to deny it. I really don't know what to do with the speech patterns. I noticed my story would have that problem a long time ago, because I have no way to see how Tolkien made Elves speak, since I have the books in Spanish, and you know the translation changes everything, starting by the fact that it's all in Spanish slang, while I'm Peruvian. I wanted Tarí to be a "seer" mainly because I always wondered why none of Elrond's kids had that power, and, that if I was going to make another child of his, this one should have that power, and also her grandmother's telepathical abilities. About making her fail at something...you'll just have to read the next couple of chapters.

_DarkAngelPearl_: Yeah, well, Glorfindel is confused. I'm leaving him aside for the next couple of chapters, in case you are interested in seeing more about his relationship with Tarí. I'm gonna focus on Tarí right now, and in how she gets along with Legolas (next chapter). And again, I'm sorry it took me so long to update.

**DISCLAIMER:**LOTR is owned by someone whose name I'm not very sure of, but not by me. This applies to all the following chapters as well, for I am tired of writing it every time.

**X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x

It was a fresh sunny morning, very typical of early spring. Tarí had a good night's sleep, even if it had been for only a few hours long. Luckily for her, elves don't need much sleep. So even though they had walked a lot the previous day, she was well-rested.

She looked around. She was in a forest. Everything was green and fresh, as if it had just rain. It was a beautiful place, even if it wasn't as beautiful as Lórien, where her grandmother lived. She remembered visiting her, when she was an elfling of only 60 or 70. She remembered the golden leaves in fall, the freshness of the grass, the buttons in the spring. The forest of Mirkwood was beautiful indeed, but no match for the beauty of Lothlórien.

In a way, all forests are beautiful. Every place in the entire middle Earth that has a tree, or a river, or at least a little flower in it, has its own way of beauty, and Tarí knew it. As a child she had always dreamed of being out there, in the wild, free. To share a little time with herself, to think about herself, to find a meaning for her own life and a goal to follow, that's what she wanted.

Some of the Rangers were having a quick breakfast, others were still sleeping, a couple of them were patrolling.

It had been almost a week since Estel had caught her, and he wasn't mad at her anymore. So, she thought, if she took some time for herself and had a little walk in the surroundings, it would be just fine,

She had yet to experience real embarrassment.

She left her horse back. It would make too much noise, and she would have to take care of it, leaving her little time to rest and to think. Her sword was left behind too, for not even with all her foresight abilities she could predict what was about to come.

After about half an hour of walking aimlessly, without a definite direction, she reached a small river.

Tarí looked around, again. It was a beautiful place. And, for some reason, everything seemed even more beautiful than it really was. The leaves were even greener, the sound of the river more refreshing, the sound of birds singing even more relaxing.

She had no idea of what was going on in the camping, where the other Rangers were looking for her desperately, unable to find her traces. Or what was going on very close to her, where a band of orcs were scouting, looking for a new toy to torture.

**X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x

Estel was cursing himself. He could not believe Tarí had escaped again. He could not believe he had let her. This time he was in trouble. He had to find her, and quickly. He had heard weird sounds only a few miles away. That could not be good.

Finally he found a really light trace. Elves don't usually leave them, but Tarí obviously hadn't been very careful. If you were a trained Ranger, you could see them, even if very lightly. He followed them, hoping not to be too late.

**X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x **X **x

Tarí was sleeping again. She was like that, a free, careless soul, who would take any chance to make her problems fade away and rest. But, just as she liked to be careless, she liked to expose herself to danger, without thinking if she could sneak out of it later, without even noticing she was doing so.

She heard a noise. She realized she was unarmed. Then, with her eyes wide open in horror, she saw the disgusting face of the orc coming towards her. She saw the shiny blade, the strong armor and lost all hope. She stood there quietly, waiting for the worst....

So there, I'm leaving you in the cliffhanger . Please review, intelligent flaws are accepted.


	4. A mad girl

Finally! I'm updating again! Faster than the last time, and this chapter is a tad bit longer, too. I hope you like it, and if you don't, I understand. This one isn't as good as the other ones (not that the previous ones are particularly excellent), but I had writer's block and I've been very depressed lately. By the way, I need a beta reader to check the grammar mistakes and such, if anyone is interested just review and tell me.

_A'mael: _Thanks! About Arwen, you have yet to see who is the real bitch in the story. Your story rules, specially the part about Glorfindel.

_WhiteLotus25_: 1.-Read the previous comment.

2.-It's sort of late to change her name. She is the main character, after all, and it would be too confusing

3.-You are right about this, but I won't stop writing

4.-I'll try

5.-From now on, it's Estel

6.-I wish I could be as good as a writer as Tolkien is. But I'm realistic, and know that Ii'm not and never will be

_tina7610813:_ Thanks! Here's my new chappie for you. And yes, Arwen teases her sister, but it's not as bad as it sounds (you'll just have to keep reading, ha!)

_Ilenya the Fair:_ Thanks! (I said the rest in my review)

_LittleCrazy1:_ I love my cliffhangers, but it pisses me off to read them too. And who said Mary Sues have to suck?

Disclaimer: I don't own neither LOTR nor the last line. That one is from a poem by Sylvia Plath, "Mad girl's love song"

It Took more than just a few drops of water to wake her up. She had been unconscious for a couple of days, for her wounds were very serious. In the mean time, she had been taken to Mirkwood, and Tarí - as Elrond's daughter- had her place secures as an honor guest at King Thranduil's castle. Also, the three weeks time mandated by Lord Elrond had passed, and the messengers sent by the King to inform him that Tarí was safe had not yet arrived. Yet a party of Rangers arrived just in time to stop them from looking for her. The Rangers, previously sent by Estel, told Elrond she was staying at the castle in Mirkwood, conveniently leaving out the part when she was badly wounded and unconscious. Everyone at Rivendel noticed from that day on a sudden change in Glorfindel's moods, as the frown in his eyes faded away. He did not know that the real reason for worrying was unknown to him.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­-----------------------

-"Estel?"-she asked-"is that you?"

-"Rest for now, Tarí"- he answered- "don't make much effort or it'll be worse."

She looked around. She was in a magnificent room, and a few Elves and a couple of Rangers were in it, looking relieved.

One of the Elves, obviously a Healer, threw them out, so he could clean her wounds.

"Wounds? Which wounds? What happened?"

­­­­­­­­­­­­------------------------

Estel was running, as fast as you can run with a sword.

He wasn't even being careful about his trail, because it didn't matter anymore. He HAD to get to Tarí before the orcs did.

After what seemed like an eternity, he saw her, in front of the orc, staring at it hopelessly. He rushed. The orc was lifting his blade, prepared to kill. Tarí was paralyzed. The orc's blade was beginning to hit Tarí, when Estel, in a quick movement, cut the orc in half. The orc dropped the blade with a final scream, and stopped breathing.

He picked her up and carried her away. She was still alive, even if blood was coming out of her like a river. She needed elvish medicine, and, most important of all, she needed to get out of there before the rest of the orcs arrived.

------------------------------

After hearing the story from Colton, another Ranger, who looked slightly amused by the incident, Tarí felt insecure. Everyone was probably laughing at her. It had to be her, careless Tarí, the one who did such things, like pacing around Mirkwood unarmed with a band of orcs behind her, following her. Only she would be so stupid. And what about Estel? He was her friend, but he wouldn't be there for her forever. She needed to learn how to take care of herself. She thought she knew how, and was always very confident, but she was just realizing she couldn't do everything.

She felt she had failed, not in front of the Rangers or Estel or even her own Ada, but in front of herself. She WAS a failure, and she did not deserved to have so many friends and so many luxuries in her life. It was a waste. It was not worth it.

While she was caught up in her thoughts, she could barely hear what her friend Colton was saying. Her mind was far and away, saying horrible things about herself.

"Tarí?" he asked, "are you all right?"

"Uh?"

"Are you with me? You look confused"

"It's all right. I just felt slightly numb"

"Let me call a Healer"

"Don't. It's not necessary. It's probably just all the blood I lost"

"Still, I want to be sure. It could be worst"

--------------------------

The Healer confirmed Tarí's suspicions :what she needed was mainly resting. There was something else, though. She would not be better unless she actually wanted to. As an elf, she could die either violently or from a broken heart. She had just escaped a violent death, but, after her big mistakes, was her heart able to resist any longer?

SHE WASN'T A STRONG PERSON. At all. She was fierce in battle, but not in life. She had the tendency of giving up on things she wasn't good at, sometimes without even making any effort. It had happened with archery, and it hurt. it had happened when she tried to make things better with her sister, and it hurt. And now it had happened again, not with a specific thing but with life itself, and it hurt even more. And let's not think about what other people said! She tried hard not to, but finally gave in. The image of all her friends, Halbarad, Colton, even Estel, laughing at her flooded her mind.

She had failed. She put herself and all the Rangers at risk. _She _had failed. She had _failed. _This last word revolved in her head as she closed her eyes not wanting to wake up.

She shut her eyes and all the world dropped dead.


End file.
